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3:46 pm 11 November 2019

ARTIFICIAL HYMEN KIT   I discover my boyfriend has spread a red and white beach towel beside him on the bed. It says PUERTO RICO. He got it on vacation with his family, he tells me.

Missionary is the only option here. During the delicate deflowering process there is no need for the Funny Business. As soon as he’s in, I shriek-yodel question after question: Can you feel it? Is it gross? Does it hurt? Should we stop? Are we breaking up? Are you mad at me? What are you thinking about? What about now? Can you feel it? What about now? I sound like a squawking turkey.

 

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